Q&A: Death Note Edition
by Spottedstar106
Summary: Wanna ask a Death Note character a question? Now's your chance to possibly humiliate or scar them for life! Submit a review with your questions! Let the insanity begin! Rated for language. R
1. Chapter 1

**Shannon:** "Yo, my peeps!"

**Light:** "Please never say that again."

**Shannon: **"Shut up! You're ruining the intro!"

**Light:** "That's already been taken care of…"

**Shannon:** "Why are you even HERE? You're DEAD!"

**Light: **"So? L's here and he's dead."

**Shannon: **"L, unlike you, is loved by everyone and everything. You're just hated by everybody in general."

**Light: **"That's not true! I—"

**Shannon:** "Bimbos and obsessive stalkers don't count."

**Light: **"Damn…."

**Shannon:** "But have no fear! You have—surprisingly—many fans reading this fanfic as we speak—"

**Light:** "Really?"

**Shannon:** "—along with many haters."

**Light:** "Damn…."

**Shannon:** "My best friend's a fan of you though."

**Light: **"Really?"

**Shannon: **"Yeah, but she has never watched the anime or read the manga. I don't think she plans to either. She's only a fan of you cause of your looks. Some of you may know her as Raincloud93. But in her fics she's called Elizabeth, Lizzy, or just Liz. Check out my profile and there are some stories we did together on there. Make sure you check out her stories as well at her profile!"

**Light:** "You're advertising."

**Shannon: **"So?"

**Light: **"People did not come here for advertisement!"

**Shannon: **"Yeah, true. Anyways, introductions!"

**Light: **"Woohoo…"

**Shannon: **"Shut up! Anyways, give it up for PANDA-CHAN!"

**L:** "Hello."

**Shannon:** "PANDA!" (glomps L)

**L: **(enjoying a lollypop) **:3**

**Shannon: **"Aw! So kawaii!" ^^

**Light: **"That's not even remotely cute!"

**Shannon: **"Shut up! Next is….MELLO-CHAN! YAY!"

**Mello: **"Why the hell am I here?!"

**Light: **(whispering) "Oh God, they brought the feminist..."

**Mello: **"What the hell was that?!"

**Shannon: **(Ignoring) "Next is MATTY-CHAN!"

**Matt: **"What's up?" (Playing his DS while smoking a cigarette)

**Shannon: **"Sexy!"

**Light: **"Oh God…"

**Shannon: **"NEAR-CHAN!"

**Near: **(Twirling a strand of hair)

**Shannon: **"AW! KAWAII!"

**Light: **(Eye twitches) "How exactly did they become L's heirs again?"

**Shannon: **(Shrugs)

**L: **(Shrugs before going back to lollypop) **:3**

**Shannon: **"Last, but not least, is…Ryuk!"

**Light: **"WHAT?!"

**Ryuk: **(cackles)

**Shannon: **"Aw! Kawaii!" ^^

**Light: **"You know, I don't think you know the meaning of cute."

**Shannon: **"I doubt you know the meaning of a God complex."

**Light: **(Narrows eyes) "Touché…"

**Shannon: **"Anyways, the point is that the readers get to ask any DN character questions in their review! Even one that's not currently present! Like Soichiro, Rem, Matsuda etc."

**All present DN characters other than L and Near: **"WHAT?!"

**Shannon: **"It'll be fun!" ^^

**Mello: **(suspicious) "Will there be chocolate?"

**Shannon: **(sighs and points thumb over her shoulder) "In the back."

**Mello: **"I'm in!" (scampers off)

**Matt: **"Games?"

**Shannon: **(Points at randomly placed arcade)

**Matt: **"I'm game!" (Runs off)

**Ryuk: **"Apples?"

**Shannon: **(Points at random closet)

**Ryuk: **"APPLES!" (Flies away)

**Near: **(still twirling hair) "Toys?"

**Shannon: **(Gestures to a mountain of toys in the corner) "Knock yourself out."

**Near: **(wanders off silently)

**Shannon: **(Turns to L) "And of course, there is sweets."

**L: **"Would Rae-chan like a slice of cake?"

**Shannon: **"Domo Arigato, Panda-chan!" ^^

**Light: **"I hope you die of diabetes…"

**Shannon: **"THAT'S IT!" (Attacks Light)

**L: **(munching on cake) "Please send in your questions! Shannon wouldn't mind questions as well."

**(Screen goes black with the sounds of fighting in the background)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Shannon: **"HA! In your FACE, Light! Eight out of the ten people that reviewed in the last chapter said you SUCK! One even agreed with me that you have a God complex!" (Cracks up)

**Light:** (Twitches)

**Mello:** (Cracks up) "HAHA! He's having a meltdown!"

**Near: **(Playing with legos and twirling his hair)

**Matt:** (Playing XBOX 360 and smoking a cigarette) "I guess the only people that like you really are bimbos and obsessed stalkers."

**Ryuk:** "Hyuk, Hyuk."

**Light:** "Son of a—"

**L: **(Innocently enjoying a lollypop) "Light-kun needs to learn to manage his temper. I am now 7.5% sure that Light-kun is Kira."

**Light: **"Damn idiot bastards…"

**L:** "8%."

**Light:** "FUCKING—"

**Shannon:** "Oookay! Anyways, we got some really great questions! But first, I get to ask a question!" ^ ^

**Mello:** (bits into chocolate bar) "Eh?"

**Matt: **(blinks) "Can she do that?"

**Near: **(shrugs)

**Shannon: **(looks serious) "Light…."

**Light: **(rolls eyes) "Oh God, what?"

**Shannon: **(looks serious) "I've been meaning to ask you this for awhile now…."

**L: **(stops enjoying his lollypop and looks on curiously)

**Ryuk: **"Hyuk, hyuk. This is gonna be good."

**Light: **"For the love of God, WHAT IT IS?!"

**Shannon: **(serious) "Light…..WHY ARE YOU SUCH A DOUCHE BAG?!"

**Light: **"WHAT?!"

**Ryuk: **(cackling hysterically)

**L: **(goes back to lollypop)

**Mello&Matt: **(blinks)

**Near: **(goes back to legos)

**Shannon: **(innocent look) "Well?"

**Light: **"I'm not answering that!"

**Shannon: "**Yes, you are!"

**Light: **"Are you out of your mind?!"

**Shannon: **"Look who's talking, Mr. God Complex!"

**Light: **"Dumbass bitch!"

**Shannon: **"Backstabber!"

**Light: **"Panda-lover!"

**Shannon: **"Panda-_killer_!"

**Light: **"Wench!"

**Shannon: **"Kira!"

**Light: **"You have no proof!"

**Shannon: **(points to L)

**Light: **"What does he have to do with anything?!"

**Shannon: **"He's dead!"

**Light: **"How the hell is that proof?!"

**Shannon: **"A dead person knows _everything_!"

**Light: **"How the hell do you know that?!"

**Shannon: **"Dude, I hang out with three dead guys all day." (Gestures to L, Mello, and Matt) "Plus, L knew you were Kira right before he died."

**L: ** **^_^**

**Shannon: **(pats him on the head) "So kawaii!" ^_^

**Matt: **"Um….guys, the questions?"

**Shannon: **"Eh? Oh, yeah! The first questions are from, 'FiRsT qUeStIoN'. They're all for Near."

**Mello: **"Why the fuck does Near get the first question?!"

**Shannon: **(shoves a chocolate bar down his throat) "Okay, Near! First question! 'Why do you like toys so much'?"

**Near: **"I didn't have many toys for the first eight years of my life."

**Shannon: **"Second Question: 'Were you deprived of toys as a child'?"

**Near: **"I lived in a very small village. We didn't have many toys there."

**Shannon: **"Last Question: 'Do you see a therapist about your toy obsession'?"

**Light&Mello: **(snorts)

**Shannon: **(smacks them upside the head)

**Near: **"Yes. Roger thinks that it is unprofessional for a fifteen year old to play with toys."

**Shannon: **"And apparently this was from your future girlfriend."

**Mello: **"….Or boyfriend…"

**Shannon:** (steps on his foot)

**Mello: **"OW! Fuck, woman! What'd I do?!"

**Near: **(goes back to legos and twirling his hair)

**Shannon: **"And that was Near: the boy of many words. The next bunch is from 'MRegent.2'. Oh, and this came with it! (Chunks monopoly board with real money at Near, a giant bar of chocolate at Mello, sixty-pack of cigarettes at Matt, a dump truck filled with candy at L, and the words juiciest apple at Ryuk)

**Near: **(easily catches monopoly board)

**Mello: **(gets hit in the face by the giant chocolate bar) "OW! Damn woman!"

**Matt:** (gets hit in the face by sixty-pack of cigarettes) "Ow…." (Rubs his nose)

**Ryuk: **(apple fazes through his face) "Hehe. Mortals are pathetic."

**L: **(dump truck of candy lands beside him and he gives readers the most adorable innocent smile) "Thank you, MRegent.2." ^_^

**Shannon: **"Aww!" ^_^

**Light: **"Adorable my ass…"

**Shannon: **(punches him upside the head)

**Light: **"Son of a bitch!"

**L: **"8.5%." (Currently sitting on top of his candy mountain and enjoying another lollypop)

**Light: **"FUCKING—"

**Shannon: **(Punches him upside the head….again) "Leave Lolly-chan the fuck alone!"

**Light: **(Bangs forehead repeatedly against a randomly placed desk)

**Shannon: **(Grins cheerfully) "Okay! Back to 'MRegent.2's questions! Okay, the part is actually a statement towards Light."

**Light: **(Raises head from desk)

**Shannon: **"It says, 'To Light: I hereby officially announce you the world's single most narcissist ** in the history of humankind. Period'."

**All: **"…."

**Shannon&Ryuk&Mello&Matt: **(Bust into hysterics)

**Shannon: **"I don't even know what narcissist means, but that's funny!"

**Light: **(Continues banging his forehead against desk)

_**5 minutes later….**_

**Shannon: **"Okay, okay. The next is a statement towards Near. 'To Near: You are awesome'. I CONCUR!"

**Near: **"Hmm…"

**Mello: **"Bastard albino…"

**Shannon: **(twitches at Mello's comment) "Okay, Mello. There are two questions for you."

**Mello: **(Rubs hands together) "Lay it on meh!"

**Shannon: **"First Question: 'Are you a transsexual'?"

**All: **"…."

**All but Mello, Near, and L: **(bust out into hysterics)

**Mello: **"WHAT THE FU—" (Gets tackled by Matt)

**Matt: **(Hands over Mello's mouth) "Calm down, damnit."

**Shannon: **(raises an eyebrow) "Kinky position."

**Mello&Matt: **(Sputters)

**Shannon: **"I can answer the question for you! Mello isn't a transsexual. He's just gay for Matt."

**Mello&Matt: **"WHAT THE FU—"

**Shannon: **"ANYWHO! Second question! 'And why do you keep your gun in your pants'? **I** can answer that—"

**Mello: **"Shut up, no one wants to hear your yaoi fangirl opinions."

**Shannon: **(Sulks in a corner)

**Mello: **"I tried using a gun holster, but it really didn't work for me. I—"

**Matt: **"In other words, he looked like a fucking leather cowboy."

**Mello: **"_Thank you_, Matt, for that lovely statement."

**Shannon: **"Matty has a statement! 'Matt: You deserved more time! I hope you're happy in heaven, same to you Marsh-Mello'!"

**Mello: **"MARSH—"

**Shannon: **"Shut up, Marsh-Mello. Matt?"

**Matt: **"I know, right?! I only got paid 25—"

**L: **"24."

**Matt: **"—24% of what the others got paid! Mello got freaking 75—"

**L: **"76."

**Matt: **"—Freaking 76% of what the others got! I'm gonna sue their asses in court!"

**Mello: **"And currently, we are not in heaven. We were until we were dragged down into this hellhole."

**Shannon: **"…Okay, then…NEXT! Lolly-chan! YAY!" ^_^

**L: **(Looks up with a lollypop in his mouth)

**Shannon: **"Okay, 'L: What's it like being dead'?"

**Light: **(Opens his mouth to speak)

**Shannon: **"Comment and I will fucking kill you."

**Light: **(Shuts mouth)

**L: **"Peaceful. Quiet. Entertaining as I watch Light-kun's demise."

**Shannon: **"Couldn't have said it better myself!"

**Light: **(Twitches)

**Shannon: **"'And are there sweets in heaven'?"

**L: **"There is an unlimited amount of sugary sweets. I am quite happy there." ^_^

**Shannon: **"Last question is for Ryuk! 'Ryuk: How come you killed Light so quick, don't you know that you could have made him get you more apples before he kicked the bucket'?"

**Ryuk: **"Eh. He wasn't that interesting anymore. He wasn't entertaining. Besides, I wasn't gonna sit around until he died in prison. That's just boring."

**Shannon: **"You make it sound like he's some washed up prostitute….And I couldn't agree more!"

**Light: **(Twitches become more violent)

**Shannon: **"Okay! Next bunch are from 'Gum132'.

**L: **"I like gum."

**Shannon: **"I don't think the reviewer's that type of gum, Lolly-chan."

**L: **"Oh."

**Shannon: **"Anyways, 'Mello: Why do you hate Near so much'? Oh God, we're never gonna hear the end of this one."

**Matt: **(Playing DS with a cigarette in his mouth) "Yep."

**Mello: **"BECAUSE HE'S A DAMN ALBINO KNOW-IT-ALL! I AM ALWAYS SECOND BEST TO HIM AND LOSE TO HIM ALL THE TIME! PLUS HE HAS NO FRIGGIN EMOTION WHAT SO EVER! AND—"

_**10 minutes later….**_

**Matt: **(asleep)

**L: **(staring into space)

**Near: **(playing with toy robot)

**Ryuk: **(watching Mello bitch)

**Shannon&Light: **(banging their foreheads into random desk)

**Mello: **"And have you seen his wardrobe? He wears those fucking pajamas all day and night! I mean, serious! Who the hell—"

**Shannon: **(slams hands down on desk) "Okay, Mello. I think we get it."

**Light: **(kicks Matt awake)

**Matt: **"Eh?" (Picks up head and drool drips from his mouth)

**Shannon: **(eyebrow twitches) "Ew."

**Ryuk: **(cackles)

**Shannon: **"Next is a statement….or rather a fact for L. 'L: LIGHT IS KIRA'!"

**L: **(chews on thumbnail) "It is now 9% chance that Light-kun is Kira."

**Light: **"You don't know if it's fact or opinion!"

**Shannon: **"It's fact! Now shut up! Next is a question for Near. 'Near: Why are you so calm all the time'?"

**Near: **"Emotions get in the way. It is better not to feel than it is to feel."

**Shannon: **(sweatdrops) "Okay then….Matt, you're up."

**Matt:** "Yo."

**Shannon: **"'How did you get into video games and smoking'?"

**Matt: **"That's classified information."

**Shannon: **"Answer the damn question."

**Matt: **(sigh) "Fine. I gotta a PS2 for my first Christmas at Whammy's. I stayed in my room a lot playing Mario a lot before I got more upgraded stuff."

**Mello: **(chewing on chocolate bar) "He beat that game in five hours flat."

**Shannon: **"And the cigarettes?"

**Matt: **"Well, I—"

**Mello: ***cough* "L." *cough*

**All but L: **0.o

**L: **(finally noticed he's being stared at) "….Can I help you?"

_**Silence**_

_***cricket chirps***_

**Shannon: **"Lolly-chan…."

**Light: **"Never knew he had it in him..."

**Ryuk: **"Hyuk, hyuk."

**L: **(tilts head to the side and puts the tip of his thumb in his mouth in confusion)

**Shannon: **"AW!" ^_^

**Mello: **"How the HELL does he do that?!"

**Matt: **"Natural talent I guess…"

**Near: **"…."

**Shannon: **"NEXT is a statement towards Light."

**Mello: **"This outta be good.

**Matt: **"Yep."

**Light: **(flips them the finger)

**Shannon: **"Be nice to Mello-chan and Matty-chan, you God-wanna-be!"

**Ryuk: **"Hyuk, hyuk. Burn."

**Shannon: **"Anyways, they said, 'Light: I HATE YOU! I can't believe you killed L! A lot of L fangirls must be hating your guts right now'. SO TRUE!"

**Light: **"Well, you know what? I don't like you."

**Shannon: **"LIGHT! Stop being mean to the readers!"

**Light: **"Then make them stop being mean to me!"

**Shannon: **"They have a REASON to be mean to you! You killed our Lolly-chan! Then our Marsh-Mellow-chan and our Matty-chan! You BASTARD!" (Sulks in a nearby corner)

**Mello: **"I think she finally snapped." (Nibbling on chocolate bar)

**Matt: **"Yep." (Playing Super Mario Kart on his DS)

**Near: **"Hmm…." (Making a tower with dominoes)

**Mello: **(Smirks and pokes the tower, causing in to collapse) "Oops, my bad."

**Shannon: **"MELLO! STOP BEING MEAN TO NEAR!" (Slaps him upside the head)

**Matt: **(sighs) "He does not know when to quit."

**Mello: **"How can she automatically go from loving us to hating on us!?"

**Near: **(restarting his domino tower while twirling a strand of his hair) "You never think before you act, thus leading to your downfall."

**Mello: **"FUCKING—"

**Shannon: **"Next is from 'Riley Crest'. First question! 'L: How the ** do you manage to not get fat? HUH'?"

**L: **(Nibbling on cupcake) "Fast metabolism. And thinking also absorbs the sugar. I have told Misa-san such before."

**Shannon: **"Next is for Light. 'Light: What the ** is WRONG WITH YOU? -.-'."

**Light: **"What the fuck is wrong with you?!"

**Shannon: **"LIGHT!" (Starts beating the shit out of him)

_**Three minutes later**_

**Shannon: **"I do NOT understand how Elizabeth (Raincloud93) likes your dumbass!"

**Light: ***twitches*

**Shannon: **"Next is for….Matsuda…ah damn!" (Reluctantly snaps her fingers and Matsuda appears)

**Matsuda: **"Wha-What the heck is going on—?!"

**Shannon: **"Shut up. 'Matsuda: did your mom throw you across the room when you were little'?"

**Matsuda:** "W-What?! NO! You people have the nerve to take me from my delicious jelly donut—Not L's, MINE—to ask me that?! And I'll have you know that my mommy loves me very much!"

**Matt: **"Defiantly thrown across the room."

**Mello: **"Yep."

**Light: **"No doubt about it."

**Shannon: ***nod*nod*

**Ryuk: **"Hyuk, hyuk."

**Matsuda: **"You people—" (finally notices L, Mello, and Light and starts screaming)

**Matt: **"What?! Just because you've never met me means I'm not scary enough? I'm dead too!"

**Matsuda: **(screams even louder)

**Shannon: **(twitches and snaps fingers, making Matsuda disappear) "Lolly-chan."

**L: **(Looks up from strawberry shortcake) "Yes?"

**Shannon:** "Why the _hell_ was he on the taskforce again?"

**L: **"He was a good errand boy."

**Shannon: **"Whatever you say, Lolly-chan. Next question is for…No. No. ANYTHING BUT THAT! NO! PLEASE! NO!"

**Everybody but Shannon: **(Silently watches her spazz)

**Mello: **"….Hey, Matt."

**Matt: **"Yeah?"

**Mello: **"Remember ten minutes ago when I'd said she had finally snapped?"

**Matt: **"Yeah."

**Mello: **"I've changed my mind. _Now_ she's finally snapped."

**Matt: **"Yeah."

**Shannon: **"I WILL NOT ALLOW IT! NEVER! NEVERRRR! AMANE MISA SHALL NEVER STEP FOOT IN THIS FIC!"

**Everybody but Ryuk and Shannon: **"WHAT?!" (Yes, even L and Near)

**Ryuk: **(cackles)

**Light: **"As much as it pains me to say this, you have to get her."

**Shannon: **(deadly) _"What?"_

**Light: **"Do it."

**Shannon: **"But-But…"

**Light: **"Now."

**Shannon: **"FINE! But you. Owe. Me. _Big_. For this, Light." (Snaps fingers and Misa appears)

**Misa: **"Eh?" (Looks around)

**Shannon: **(Holding breath)

**Light: **(Frozen in place)

**Matt&Mello: **(Clinging to each other)

**L: **(Staring at Misa in the corner of his eye)

**Near: **(Clutching his toy robot to his chest)

**Ryuk: **(Upside down in the air laughing)

**Misa: **(Finally spots Light) "LIGHT-KUN!" (Clings to him) "Misa-Misa missed you! Misa-Misa missed you VERY much!"

**Shannon: **"IT BURNS!" (Covers ears)

**L: **(Flinching) "Light-kun, please make Misa-san stop talking."

**Light: **(Forced nice face) "Misa, we have a question for you."

**Misa: **(Nods enthusiastically) "Misa-Misa will answer any questions Light-kun has for her! She will do anything for her Light-kun—"

**Shannon: **"WONDERFUL! Now, 'Misa: why third-person'?"

**Misa: **(Opens mouth but shuts it) "…."

**Shannon: **"Oh. For the love of God. Why the hell do you say 'Misa' in almost every damn sentence?!"

**Misa: **"Because it is cute! Does Light-kun think it's cute?"

**Light: **"…."

**Misa: **(Looks to L) "What about Ryuzaki? Do you think it's cute?"

**L: **(Stares at her like she's an insect)

**Misa: **(Looks to Near) "What about you?"

**Near: **(Stares at her blankly)

**Misa: **(Looks to Mello and Matt) "You two? What do you think?"

**Matt: **"It's talking to us…"

**Mello: **"Maybe if we ignore it it'll go away…"

**Shannon: **"Light, please, for the love of God!"

**Light: **"Sure, go ahead."

**Shannon: **"Thank you!" (Snaps fingers and Misa disappears)

**L: **(Nibbling on strawberry) "Who's next?"

**Shannon: **"Watari! YAY!" (Snaps fingers and Watari appears)

**Watari: **"Good evening."

**Mello&Matt: **"MR. WHAMMY!"

**Near: **"Hmm…"

**Shannon: **"'Watari: how do you put up with L'?" (Looks to L) "No offense, Lolly-chan."

**L: **"None taken."

**Watari: **"It's quite easier taking care of a twenty-four year old than taking care of an orphanage full of children. Plus I practically raised L." (Pats L on the head)

**Shannon: **"Aww!" ^_^ (Snaps fingers and Watari disappears. Snaps fingers again and Beyond Birthday appears)

**BB: **"Eh?"

**Shannon: **(Squeals) "BB!" (Glomps BB)

**Light: **"HOLY SHIT! There's two L's?!"

**Mello: **"What the hell man!?"

**Matt: **"That's Beyond Birthday!"

**Mello: **"Why the HELL did you let a serial killer in here?!"

**L: **(Twitches)

**Near: **(Builds blockade of blocks and hides inside it)

**Shannon: **"He has a question to answer!"

**Mello: **"The HELL he does!"

**Shannon: **(Ignores Mello) "Okay, BB, there's one rule you have to follow."

**BB: **"Depends."

**Shannon: **"No raping Lolly-chan."

**BB: **"WHAT?! WHY NOT?!"

**Shannon: **"Be good and I'll get you some jam."

**BB: **(suspicious) "Strawberry?"

**Shannon: **"Of course."

**BB: **"Deal."

**Light: **"WAIT! HOLD THE PHONE!"

**Shannon: **"Oh. My. GOD! WHAT do you WANT?! I was on a role here!"

**Light: **"RAPE L?! THAT'S INCEST!"

**Everybody: **"…."

_*cricket chirps*_

**Mello: **"….The HELL are you talking about?"

**Light: **"Their twins!"

**Shannon: **"Um…..no. They aren't related. BB just made himself look like Lolly-chan. See?" (Tugs lightly on a chunk of BB's hair) "His hair has a brownish tint to it, while Lolly-chan's is pure black. B has red eyes and Lolly-chan has black eyes. Plus, B wears black shirts while Lolly-chan wears white shirts."

**Shannon&Mello&Matt&BB: **"Duuuhhhh!"

**Light: **"Whatever…"

**Shannon: **"ANYWAYS! 'BB: …I just wanna know your story…'."

**BB: **"Long story short: I was the second kid taken in at Whammy's House. They tried making me into a successor for L—a.k.a: an L copy. I was also born with Shinigami eyes. I always knew somebody's full name and when somebody was to die. After A—another successor of L—committed suicide, I ran away. I then decided if I couldn't be the "World's Greatest Detective", I would become the "World's Greatest Criminal". The rest you'll have to read in 'Death Note: Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases'."

**Shannon: **"Which I do NOT own! It is owned by the creator of Death Note. I really recommend the book. It's really good!"

**BB: **"Can I have my jam now?"

**Shannon: **"Yes you may." (Tosses him a jar of strawberry jam)

**BB: **"Can I have L now?"

**Shannon: **"NO! Now sit there and be a good boy!"

**BB: **"Darn it…"

**Mello: **"Wait a minute! Why's HE staying!?"

**Shannon: **"Because he's B! That's why! Anyways, next questions are from 'StitchedUpSally'. By the way, I love the name! WAIT! BEFORE I FORGET!"

**All but Shannon: **"Eh?"

**Shannon: **(handcuffs herself to BB)

**BB: **"WHAT THE HELL?!" (Tugs at handcuffs) "WHAT ARE THESE FOR?!"

**Shannon: **"It's a precaution to make sure you don't get near Lolly-chan."

**BB: **(whines)

**Shannon: **"Okay, 'Light-why are you such a ** buzz kill'?"

**Light: **"What is wrong with the world?"

**Shannon: **"Sorry, that's pretty much all he says as an answer. I'll bitch at him later for you guys once the chapter's over."

**Light: **"And I'm _so_ looking forward to it."

**Shannon: **"I know, right?" **^_^**

**Light: **"Just get on with this…."

**Shannon: **"'Mello: What's going on? What was your life as a child'? ....Oh shit."

**Mello: **"WHAT THE—"

**Matt: **(tackles Mello)

**Shannon: **"Wow! You guys sure are being kinky today!"

**BB&Ryuk&Light: **(snickers)

**Mello: **(growling)

**Matt: **(sulks in a corner)

**Shannon: **"NEXT! 'Ryuk: Do you ever eat people (seriously) lol'. That is a VERY good question! I would have never thought of that one!"

**Ryuk: **"All shinigami have tried that once or twice. All I can say is that I'm never doing that again."

**Shannon: **"What? No detail?"

**Ryuk: **"If I gave detail you'd puny humans would vomit up shards of your spleen."

**All by Ryuk: **"….."

**Shannon: **"…..Yeah, okay then. Um, L, 'StitchedUpSally' wants to know 'L: -just out of randomness- Will you be my boyfriend or does misa still own you'?"

**All: **"……."

**Shannon: **"EH? MISA? Are we talkin' bout Amane here? I'm not bashing the couple or anything, but I don't really understand it. She's a complete moron, he's an intelligent–on some levels sophisticated—, mysterious, pale, calm, collected, tall, emotionally-fragile, handsome, beautiful, intellectual, adorable, fucking sexy panda-man with a lean, yet muscular figure with toned abs and—"

**Mello: **"How the hell do you know all of this? You've never seen him without a shirt on!"

**Shannon: **"WRONG! In exactly episode 18, the scene where L and Light get in a fight, they grab each other's shirts and when they get ready to punch each other, you know what happens?"

**All but Shannon: **???

**Shannon: **"L's shirt is pulled upwards and you see exactly 35% of his STOMACHE! His STOMACHE! And his BOXERS! You see a sliver of his BOXERS, MAN!"

**All: **"……"

**Shannon: **"Okay, you know what? Go to , put in 'sexy L', and you'll know what I'm talkin about. Or you can go to youtube, look up the same thing, but only you'll get a whole VIDEO of hot L pics! Or just look up the whole fight on Youtube and watch L own Light's ass."

**Light: **"What?! Like hell! I owned _his_ scrawny ass!"

**Shannon&Mello: **"I KNEW IT!"

**All: **!?

**Shannon: **"You really _do _own L's ass! ALERT THE MEDIA! THE SECRET IS OUT! YAGAMI RAITO WANTS A PIECE OF L LAWLIET ASS!"

**Light: **"THAT'S A LIE!"

**Mello: **"I JUST FUCKING KNEW IT! YOU REALLY _ARE _A THREAT!"

**Shannon: **"THE CLOSET-PERV WANTS TO RAPE OUR LOLLY-CHAN!"

**BB: **"THAT BASTARD!"

**Shannon: **"B, you wanna rape Lolly-chan too, remember?"

**BB: **"Oh yeah…." (Grins sinisterly)

**Shannon: **"Speaking of boxers, B, I have a question of my own."

**BB: **"Yeah?"

**Shannon: **"Boxers or briefs?"

**BB: **"Neither."

**All: **"…."

_*cricket chirps*_

…..

**Shannon: **"….Yeah, okay. Um…" (Notices camera) "Oh! Camera! Q&A! Quick, L! Answer your question!"

**L: **"I am sorry StitchedUpSally-chan, but due to my current…'deceased' state, I cannot partake in your kind offer. Also, Amane-san and I are by no means intimate with each other, nor do we plan to in the near future. I am sorry…..But would you like a cookie?" (Hands 'StitchedUpSally' a large cookie and gives her an innocent smile)

**Shannon: **"AW!" ^_^

**L: **"Plus, Light-kun says I'm socially retarded." (Kicked panda look)

**Shannon: **_"What?"_

**Light: **"Oh shit…"

**Shannon: **"LIGHT!"

_**Two minutes later…**_

**Light: **(Currently bruised and battered) "Ow, ow, ow, ow…"

**Shannon: **"Oh! I got something! 'Shannon: What's brown, got a tail and a head but no legs or arms'? Oh, a riddle! I love riddles!"

**Light: **"Which you suck at."

**Shannon: **"Says the guy who sucks at earning fans."

**Light: **"Grr…"

**Shannon: **"Um…is it a worm? OH! I know! Is it a snake? I love snakes! Especially the cute little grass snakes! We have a lot around my house! Sometimes, if you're lucky you'll find a baby one that looks like a worm, but their not! We've even had some get in the house! It's so cool! We'll find them in the most random places, like in the living room! We found one in the living room one time and I named him Jeffrey! I loved Jeffrey. He was so cute! But my parents made me turn him loose at the end of our street. I miss Jeffrey and—"

**Light: **"As much as we would love to hear about that, can we get this over with?"

**Shannon: **"JEFFREY WAS MORE OF A MAN THAN YOU ARE!" TT_TT (Quietly sobs in a corner)

**All: **"!?!?!"

**Matt: **(turns to camera) "Um….we'll be right back."

_Screen with the words 'Please Stand By' appears while playing happy music_

_**30 minutes later….**_

**Matt: **"Um, yeah. Everything's somewhat situated now. At least I think so…"

**Shannon: **"Yeah, next is from 'shef01animetize'. 'L: Why do you eat so much sweets? You might get diabetes...'"

**L: **(Nibbling on cupcake) "Due to the fact that I don't get as much sleep as the average person, I use sweets to give me the extra boost. The more I eat the more energy I receive."

**Shannon: **"It sucks when he crashes afterwards though. After he's out, no one's waking him up for a few days."

**L: **"Plus it's a bit late for me to get diabetes, thanks to Light-kun…"

**Shannon: **"The bastard he is…Anyways! 'Light: When will you stop being a jerk'?"

**Light: **"When will these people start sending me logical questions?"

**Shannon: **"Your beating is going to be twice as hard when the chapter's over with."

**Light: **"Fucking…"

**Shannon: **"Next is a statement for Near! 'Near: You are so cute'!! I know, right?"

**Near: **"Hmm…" (Twirling lock of his hair and playing with action figures)

**Shannon: **"OH! I got another question! SCORE!"

**Light: **"Joy."

**Shannon: **"Shut. UP. KIRA."

**Light: **(twitches)

**Shannon: **"'Shannon: Why d'ya hate Light'? I can give ya a whole list of reasons! Here!"

List of Reason Why I Hate Light 'Im a gay'

He killed Lolly-chan

He caused Marsh-Mello-chan's death

He caused Matty-chan's death

He stabbed Lolly-chan in the back

He stabbed EVERYBODY in the back

He was a manipulative bastard

He was a killer

He was a "God-wanna-be"

He was egotistical

He's a liar

He killed innocent people

He caused his own father's death

He caused Watari's death

He used people

He caused his own little sister to lose her mind

He caused Rem's death

He's a Mary-Stew

He denies he's obvious love for Lolly-chan

He is the reason his mother is all alone now

For a smart person, he is a dumbass

He writes weird :p

He threw away a very expensive portable TV! May I remind you he didn't have a paying job at the time? Who paid for that TV exactly? Hmm?

THE CHIP DID NOT DESERVE WHAT IT GOT!

**Shannon: **"And that's all I got."

**All: **"……"

**Light: **(twitches violently)

**Shannon: **"Okay! Next is from 'Kae-chan'! I love your name by the way! Okay! 'L/Commander Panda-chan: In the series you say Light is your friend, why? I mean, even if he wasn't Kira (which he is) wouldn't you hate him anyway, like everyone else'?"

**L: **"Before Light-kun caused my demise, I discovered that he was the only person in the world—other than my successors and BB—that could match my intellect levels. He could find a way out of my mental traps and appear innocent to the taskforce."

**All: **"….."

**Shannon: **"….Yeah, I don't get it either. He never listens to me. 'Near: OH MY GOD! YOU ARE SO KAWAII! Do you have a favorite toy'? That's got me curious now!"

**Near: **"My toy robot, because it was my first toy. Plus, L was the one that gave it to me."

**Shannon: **"AW!" ^_^

**BB: **"This lovey-dovey stuff is making me sick…"

**Mello: **"Ditto."

**Matt: **"Likewise."

**Shannon: **"Whatever. 'Matt: YOU ARE MY FAVORITE CHARACTER EVER! *GLOMPS* why do you not appear in the series more? You should'."

**Matt: **"They caste me into the show late. So my first day on the job was actually my last day too. Which SUCKED."

**Shannon: **"Yeah. 'Mello: OMG!! You are my second favorite character (after Matt, right before Near) why don't you stop matt from smoking'?"

**Mello: **"FUCK YES! I AM MORE LOVED THAN NEAR! IN YOUR ALBINO FACE!"

**Shannon: **"Marsh-Mello, that was the reader's opinion. That doesn't mean you're better than Near."

**Mello: **"FUCKING—"

_**5 minutes of Mello induced f-ing later…**_

**Mello: **"I've tried getting him to stop, but all attempts failed. He's been smoking since he was what? Nine?"

**Matt: **"Ten."

**Mello: **"THAT'S WHAT I SAID! The fucker's gonna end up dying of lung-cancer before he's twenty."

**Matt: **"Yeah, probably."

**Shannon: **"'Light: why don't you die? Everyone hates you'."

**Light: **"Last time I checked I was already dead."

**Shannon: **(slaps up upside the head) "How many times do I have to tell if you don't having anything nice to say, don't say anything at all?! My GOD! Kids these days!"

**BB: **"Does that not pertain to you?"

**Shannon: **"It doesn't pertain to me, Lolly-chan, Near, Matt, BB, or Ryuk."

**Mello: **"How is that fair?!"

**Shannon: **"Because we—unlike you," (points to Light and Mello) "Are sweet, generous, and nice!" (Innocent smile)

**Mello: **"My ass! You're a twisted, psycho, fangirl from hell!"

**Shannon: **(Grins) "Thank you, Marsh-Mello-chan!"

**Light: **"L's an antisocial freak who does nothing but hide behind computers and eat sugar!"

**Mello: **"Near's an antisocial nut who sits in his room all day and plays with dolls!"

**Light: **"Matt does nothing but smoke his lungs black and destroy his eyesight by playing videogames all day in the dark!"

**Mello: **"Beyond's a freakin insane serial killer who's most likely a cannibal—"

**BB: **(shrugs) "Can't deny that."

**Mello: **"—and stuffs his face with strawberry jam!"

**Light: **"And Ryuk does nothing but float in the air laughing and eating apples!"

**Everybody but Light&Mello: **(completely ignoring said dudes)

**Shannon: **"Light! 'Charm Shadow' wants to know if you've been taking your meds!"

**Light: **(Twitching severally) "I don't take meds!"

**Matt: **(Watching Light twitch) "Really? Cause it looks like you need 'em."

**Shannon: **"Gosh! It's already the last few questions for this chapter! 'omgiluvzero' wants to know, 'Light: Why the f* are u such an arse'!?"

**Light: **(steaming)

**Ryuk: **"Oh, look! His face is turning an interesting shade of red!"

**BB: **"Now he's turning purple!"

**Shannon: **"….Yeah, okay. 'L: Why don't u get diabetes? (Not that I want u 2!)'."

**L: **"Sadly, I am unable to due to my current deceased state."

**Shannon: **(sniffle) "It's true. 'Matt: Why aren't u in the series at all'?"

**Matt: **"Cause I got caste late. The people organizing the whole thing are total morons."

**Mello: **"They probably didn't wanna get lung cancer from your secondhand smoke."

**Shannon:** "Shut it, Marsh-Mello! 'Near: r u the son of L'?"

**Near: **(twirls lock of hair thoughtfully)"Interesting. But no. I am by no means related to L."

**L:** (nod, nod)

**Shannon: **"They also wanted to say that they love you all!"

**Everybody but Light and Near: **"WE LOVE YOU!"

**Shannon: **"WAIT! Before anybody leaves, I wanted to say that there is a totally awesome video on YouTube that I found called 'L will not die (SPOILERS)'! There's a link to it on my profile! Watch it! I COMMAND YOU! YES! THAT MEANS YOU ELIZABETH!"

**Matt: **"So demanding."

**Shannon: **"I know!" ^_^ "R&R and send in your questions! Peace out!"


End file.
